Hiding My Heart

But like everything I've ever known

You'll disappear someday

So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away

Prom night.

Gathering all my strength, I took a deep breath.

Knees caving in, I clenched my fists.

All that I could hear was the beating of my heart, the blood rushing through my temples and her voice resounding in my head.

Amber Josephine Liu was standing right in front of me.

The girl of my dreams, who never acted like a girl anyway, was smiling so radiantly that the sun would be ashamed to shine. She beams like an angel just like the first time I saw her. In her short bob, baggy pants and sweater, she was more handsome than most boys in school. But for me, she will always be the most beautiful girl I've ever met.

So this is how the story went

I met someone by accident

Who blew me away

Who blew me away

 Now here she stands before me, no longer wearing boyish clothes. Clad in white silk, all that was missing were wings. Hesitantly, I placed my hands on her thin waist. She rested her slender arms on my shoulders as we swayed to the sweet music they were playing.

It was in the darkest of my days

When you took my sorrow and you took my pain

And buried them away, you buried them away

Love struck. Spellbound. Bewitched. I opened my mouth to speak but my throat tightened every time I tried.

 And I wish I could lay down beside you

When the day is done

And wake up to your face against the morning sun

Mustering all the courage that I had; thinking of all the chances I missed to tell her for the past two years. I finally uttered a word; a beautiful word that was her name.

"Amber" I looked into her gentle eyes. Half afraid to get lost in their soulful gaze, the other half already fallen in an endless trap of air castles.

"For the past two years, I've always thought that you were special. Not because of how you look, or how you dress. But more because of that fact that you simply are… special. You don’t have to try hard like the others. In fact, you don’t even have to try at all. Simply because you are…you."

Her eyes grew larger and her jaw dropped. I didn’t quite know what I was saying but it felt right.

"I've…always thought that you were the most beautiful girl in our school. Inside and out. Any guy who catches your fancy would easily be the luckiest person alive. And… and I'm honored to have you... as a friend… and as my date tonight." I was panting. My heart felt like it was about to burst any moment now.

“I really like you as a person.” I don't know whose words was I saying but I hold on to them true. Should I go on according to plan or choose what was convenient? Uncertainty struck me hard and my heart wavered like a candle's flame against a strong wind.

“I would be blessed to have you in my life.” I held one of her hands and closed my eyes. Memories of her smile flashed across my mind. Her scent seeped into my brains, intoxicating me. Friendship and love danced in my head in a battle to the death. Blades of doubt, guilt and fear swung around relentlessly in my heart.

Lost in my own thoughts I felt a slight tap on my shoulder waking me up from this midnight malady. I glanced over and saw a familiar face.

Kim Kibum, my best friend. His lips curved up into an expectant smile; his hand reaching out in a gallant manner.

I looked back at my hand still holding hers and swallowed the lump in my throat. Bringing my eyes to meet her stare, I smile and let out a sigh under my breath.

“That being said, I would like to tell you that I approve of you for my best friend Kibum. I take him as my own brother and I would love to have you as a sister. He is a nice person and he loves you very much. Take care of him well. I love him more than I love myself. Good luck.”

Kibum’s face flushed red and his smile grew wider. I could see tears but I wouldn’t know if it was in his eyes or mine.

“Thank you Minho. You’re the best.” He patted my back and pulled me in for a hug.

I felt my heart sink into my chest.

My hands and feet were cold and numb.

My head was throbbing with abstract pain coming from my gut.

But like everything I've ever known

You'll disappear someday

So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away

As the music stopped, I let go of her hands.