[Gilmaved] Act1: The Silent Soliloquy

chapter one
(The Silent Soliloquy)

Another bottle went to the pile at Howon's left. For twenty-one years now, there has never been a better friend. He always comes back to sit in this old bar and the world is almost right again. With a bottle on hand, he didn’t have to think where his life is headed to; what should he do to pay the debts he owe; who the hell his real parents are; why they left him at such a young age; when will he be able to move out of the shithole he calls home; and how InGuk will never see him beyond friendship. Why couldn’t he have just been born normal? Normal. The word stung like lemon on a fresh wound.

Howon did not like to think of himself as gay. He knew he wasn’t. He slept with various women in the past and he did enjoy it. Guys were only an extended option that his line of work offered. They way he saw it, he was just adapting to his circumstances. You can't choose who you want to be with when you have no one in the first place. Beggars can not be choosers.
Howon was born alone. He grew up on the streets under the care of petty thieves. He now lives alone and he was sure that he would die alone. It was his course of life. It was his fate. It was his destiny.
Then there was Inguk. They met at the host club. He was a host and Inguk was a waiter. They became friends too fast, too deep. They shared moments, secrets and feelings that Howon wouldn’t dare disclose even to himself sometimes. He was truly free only with InGuk and he cherished that.
But InGuk will never understand his feelings. He was in love with Eunji. That alone was enough proof for Howon that there will never be anything or anyone that he could truly call his.
The bell buzzed once and InGuk came in with a platter of drinks. He nodded once to Howon before clearing up the pile by his side. Another customer, Howon thought. How many more old ladies and gay men does he have to drink with to gather enough money before he calls the host club quits? How many more stories of unsatisfying husbands and escapades does he have to go through? How many more of these indecent proposals does he have to accept to pay his way out of all his mess?
The customer stepped into the room wearing a tailored white suit. His built was lean and his jaws were chiseled sharp. The man sat across Howon and lifted his drink.
"What's your name?", he asked. A smile played on his lips as he fixed his sunglasses that hid the expression in his eyes.
"What do you want it to be?" Howon delivered his line smoothly. He must have said those words a hundred times and it worked magic. Sometimes the customers called him generic names like John, Mark, David or Joe. Sometimes they would call him baby, honey or darling. Other times he becomes the customer's ex lover, an idol or even a movie star. He would tell them they are beautiful. He would make them feel desired.  It was all part of his work. He would like to think of himself as a businessman; a businessman who sells happiness by the hour, by the minute by the second. He sells the imitation of love.
"I'd call you Hoya," the man exhaled as he took a sip from his drink. He seemed to watch Howon's every move behind his dark sunglasses.
"Close enough."  Howon pulled his lips into a smile and nodded.
"You can call me Dongwoo." The customer removed his sunglasses and leaned over, looking straight into Howon's eyes. Somehow, he didn’t feel daunted by the close scrutiny. Or maybe, that was just his personal bubble finally disintegrating into nothingness after years and years of promiscuity. 
Another buzz.
InGuk went in with eyes wide and fixed towards Howon.
"Mistress Hwang is here. I think you should go calm her down, Howon. She is making a scene." Howon could hear the sound of chaos outside the room. It was Mistress Hwang. Sometimes, customers couldn’t identify imitation from the real thing. Often, it means more income for dates that were outside the host club. But that wasn’t permitted by the owner; they had to do it in secret. They have to understand that the host still has to entertain other willing customers of the club. If they don't, this is the result: chaos.
"I'm really sorry Sir Dongwoo but I just have to tend to some things outside. InGuk would send in another equally qualified host." He stands up and steps out.

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The sun was scorching the ground. Clear water was flowing and gold peaked through the soft earth. She walked towards the river for a drink and saw her reflection in the waters. Eyes sparkled like green emeralds, hair dark as night and skin scorched by the sun. She was beautiful.
She cupped her hands and drank from the clear cold waters. It was sweet. She heard her name being called from afar. It was him. He has arrived and she knew that she was home.


Howon woke up to broken sweat. He looked beside him and saw the naked form that slept still by his side. It was Mistress Hwang, he suddenly remembered.
It was nothing unusual for Howon to not know where he was at the moment he wakes up. He had too many regular patrons to keep track of. It didn’t bother him that he was supposed to be with someone else that moment. Someone booked him prior to this incident. He would probably come up with another excuse like every time he messed up.
He climbed out of the sheets silently and picked up his clothes off the floor. He better get going, he thought. It was Eunji’s birthday and he promised InGuk to help set up a surprise for her. He let out a sigh.
On the bedside table was a blank cheque. How much was his dignity today? Did Mistress Hwang trust him that much or was she that desperate to keep him? He just rolled his eyes and folded the cheque into his pocket. He’d add up his debts and needs later.
He checked his reflection in the mirror and remembered the green eyed beauty from his dream. It was so vivid and real. He could almost taste the sweetness of the water.
Without a sound, he stepped outside Mistress Hwang’s house and out of nowhere a bat hit him at the side of his head.
Darkness.