Chapter 2:
Manong’s Balls, Phone Calls, and an Ugly Girl
Suppose that you have an open air van that can sit twenty-four people, have your seven year old sister choose the primary color to paint it in, airbrush pictures of the baby Jesus, Taylor Swift, Goku, and Yu Yu Hakusho characters on one side and your family picture on the other, decorate the interior with catchy lines like "God knows Judas not pay" "As long as you're sexy, it’s free" or "As long as a driver, sweet lover" along with bible verses such as John 3:16, and then as a finishing touch put metallic horse statuettes on top of the bumper.
There, you got your self a jeepney. That is what Changmin is riding on right now.
For convenience's sake I will teach you two words today. Ready?
The words are 'manong' and 'manang'. You would use manong as you would use ahjjushi in Korean. Who may you call manong? The taxi drivers, the random old guy selling peanuts on the streets, your mom's old gardener guy and basically any male person who is old enough to be your uncle that you don’t have a direct relationship with (say your actual uncle or your math professor)are all manongs. Likewise, you use manang in the same fashion you use ahjjuma. (Rule of thumb: if you think that a woman would slap you if you call her ahjjuma and she happened to understand Korean, the reaction would probably be the same if you called her manang and she understood Filipino.)
Now back to the jeepney, Changmin is on his way to class. He is already fifteen minutes late and he is sure that Hustisya the penguin will skin him alive but he can't do anything because the driver kept stopping to load passengers each chance he gets. Beside him was a barker (someone who calls passengers) who had copper streaks in his hair and sprayed saliva to anyone that happened to be within one meter range.
"Katipunan! Katipunan! Three more! Manang, there's still space to the right. Katipunan!" The barker boy was shouting at the top of his lungs while knocking at the side of the jeepney with a five-peso coin.
"Manong, two people. Katips."
"Please pass the fair."
"Stop."
"Please move a little more on the left side."
"Stop!"
"Whose money is this five-hundred? Don’t you have a smaller bill?"
"Manong stop!"
"Have we passed Palma Hall yet?"
"I said STOOOOOPPPPPPPP!" Changmin yelled and all the birds nesting in the trees in the academic oval flew away. The little kid sitting in front of him stood up and pulled a string that ran parallel to the hand bars above them and instantly the driver pulled over.
"Manong can't you read? Pull to stop," said the kid while pointing to the sign behind the driver that read exactly as he said, pull to stop.
With twenty-three pairs of eyes burning holes at the back of his head, a red faced Changmin got off the jeepney. He was a good ten minute brisk walk away from his destination so he just gave up on the idea of coming to class and just passed the time by eating fish balls being sold in carts on street sides.
While stuffing his face with three orders of the fried fish balls, his mind was dreamily floating to that lunch date he had the other day with his mom and the Lees. Changmin didn’t tell me what he was thinking exactly that time so we can just presume that his thoughts went along the lines of, Is this really happening? Did I just hit the jackpot? What did I do good in my past life to deserve this? Or maybe it was more like, Damn, these fish balls are delicious. So he went on to order another stick of it.
As he was about to devour the fifth stick of fish balls, his phone rang and he almost jumped out of his skin when he saw that it was Blessed Lee Yeonhee of Manila calling him. After deliberating for three seconds whether he was dreaming or not, he finally mustered enough (fish) balls to answer the blessed phone call.
“Hello… Are you really calling me?” Changmin said, his eyeballs popping out of their sockets. “I mean, it’s great to hear from you. I mean… ah shit. Ouch! Ouch!” But just when he regained his composure, the hot fish ball sauce got the better of him.
“Hurt? No, I’m fine. I’m great. Lunch? Yes, I have. I mean, no. Lunch would be great. ChoKiss? That would be cool. Alright. See you.”
“See you later. Bye.” Sooyoung ended the call and hurriedly put on her sneakers. She checked her Minnie Mouse watch and saw that she was almost late for her shift at the Chinese Noodle House. This is all Minho’s fault, she thought. Presumably, since she didn’t tell me what she thought exactly.
Minho was just being his regular, you know, the all around eternal pain in his sister’s life. Sooyoung did not specify what exactly Minho did that day. But knowing Minho, it could range from selling their refrigerator to being caught by the police as he steals a road sign and as usual his poor older sister had to fix his mess. As to why he would steal a public road sign, I do not know. Just ask him personally. But the main thing here is Sooyoung was late and Han Geng will not be pleased because she and Amber already took a day off last time.
In case she got fired in the noodle house, Sooyoung had three other jobs. But still, she didn’t want to lose it because it was the only job that let her hang out with Amber who still likes to call her hyung even if she already grew her hair beyond her shoulders.
Korea’s national martyr was about to step outside their door when her mobile phone rang and it was her older brother calling her from Ethiopia.
Gangnam style… Op.. Op… Oppa Gangnam style~
“Hello? Yes. We’re ok. How about you? When are you coming home? Have you been eating well? Have you found a girlfriend there? How is the weather?”
When Siwon calls, Sooyoung makes an effort to do all the asking.
“No! Married? Our little Jinri? No. Who said that? I haven’t heard of a Kim... what’s the name? Lies. All lies. How could that
happen? She is… at school. Yes, at school. She’s fine. Minho? He is reviewing for college entrance exams this fall. Yes. Don’t worry about us. Overworking myself? No. I’m ok. It’s you who should take care. No, really. When are you coming home?”
If not, she will max out her credit card for a year’s worth of lies.
She puts her clamshell in her left backpocket and sprinted towards the door. But again, Psy began to sing the ubiquitous anthem.
Gangnam style… Op.. Op… Oppa Gangnam style~
Incoming call from Minho.
"Goddamn it, Choi Minho. What is it again? What?"
"What?" Changmin asked as he poured himself another cup of coffee which soon became a mini-deluge on the previously stainless white tablecloth. His uneven eyes fixed on perfection substantiate.
"Your coffee..."
"Your coffee tastes like HanGeng's socks," Sooyoung muttered while stuffing her face with a bagel.
"How do you know how LaoBan's socks tastes like? Ew. Anyway, don’t change the topic, hyung. What would you do if Kyuhyun asks you to get married? Just a hypothetical question that doesn’t have any basis. Kyuhyun doesn't have anything to do with it. What I mean to say is that, I just wanna know so that I could get you a gift as early as now…" Aside from Mandarin, Amber also fails greatly in acting.
"I really don't know. Maybe I won't accept it. My life is too complicated right now. Besides, Minho needs me. No matter how stubborn he is. I'm not even sure about Kyuhyun sometimes. He is like an overgrown kid…" and Sooyoung continued to blabber as Amber whispered under her breath while scratching her blonde mop, "Oh shit."
"Oh shit. Hell no. No, no, no. You don’t understand… I am not, ok? I'm perfectly fine. I mean it's no big deal for me. All I am saying now is that I need your help… Ah-huh… Umm… Yeah… What? What do you mean you are not helping me? Pussy? Hey! …. I thought you're my best friend. If you were in my position I would totally help… Stop calling me a pussy! That's just rude… Hello? Hello?"
“Hello. May I take your order?” Henry smiled at the abnormally tall lady wearing ridiculously large sunglasses.
“Fried rice, dumplings and iced tea.”
“Sorry ma’am. We don’t serve the items you asked for.”
“But this is a Chinese food house, how can you not have fried rice? My girlfriend…s and I always get fried rice take out.”
“BeiJing Fried Rice is across the street. This is ZhouMi’s noodle house.”
“Oops. Sorry.”
“Sorry, I really have to go now. I have volunteer work today.” Yeonhee smiled as she put her palm gently over Changmin’s shaking hand on the table and heaven’s choir of angels sung Hallelujah.
“It’s fine. It’s fine, really. Do you… need me to accompany you to your work? I mean… not that I’m insisting. But…”
“No. Please, don’t bother anymore. You’ve been very kind. I wouldn’t know how to thank you as is.” Yeonhee stood up, gave him a hug and time stopped.
“Here is your Beijing fried rice… Ma’am. Wonton dumplings and red iced tea. Anything else? Ma’am…” Amber was smiling unusually wider than usual at the lady with the large sunglasses and giggling like she was high on glue. She waited for the customer to taste the dumplings with anticipation on her face.
“I think there’s something wrong with the dumplings. I wish to speak to your manager,” the tall lady demanded while tapping the floor with her huge red flat shoes. She was wearing tight fitting candy blue pants and a lavender poncho that looked like she borrowed it from her grandmother. Sooyoung was tall, but this woman is definitely taller. A goliath with long hair, broad shoulders and no hips. Amber tried to suppress her giggles which ended up becoming obnoxious snorts so she just went at the back kitchen to call for reinforcement.
“Hyung, the customer wanted to talk to the manager but LaoBan is busy cooking. Can you talk to him instead? Please?” I shall not describe that Amber was pouting like a puppy while clinging to Sooyoung’s waist so as not to destroy her manly image. No. Don’t make me. It’s terrible.
“Fine. I will. But can you keep an eye on Minho? I don’t know why he is here. I bailed him out twice today and it makes me nervous that he just drops by because he misses me.” Amber gave a nod. Sooyoung went to the broad-shouldered lady’s table and bowed politely.
“You’re the manager?” she asked.
“Ah. Well. You can say that. Ma’am…”
“Kyuyoung.”
“Yes, Ma’am Kyuyoung. I’m the manager. Choi Sooyoung. Do you have any concerns about your food?” The tall lady fixed her sunglasses and cleared her throat before pushing the plate of dumplings forward.
“I think there’s something in these dumplings that shouldn’t be there. Go taste them for yourself,” she said in an ostentatious manner and looked away. Sooyoung modestly took a fork and tasted the dumplings in question. Amber and Minho are peering behind the counter like children playing cowboys and Indians.
“Well, the dumplings taste… like dumplings. I don’t …” and Sooyoung bit something hard. She almost swallowed it down but luckily she was able to spit it out.
It was a ring. A golden ring.
“Don’t you think having a daughter that looks like me in the future would be just lovely? Doesn’t Cho Kyuyoung have a nice ring to it?” the freakishly tall lady removed her eyeglasses, shook her long wavy hair and stood up. She took the ring on dumbstruck Sooyoung’s hand and removed the wig to reveal that she was actually a guy.
“Choi Sooyoung. Will you marry me and be the mother of the future Cho Kyuyoung?” Kyuhyun went down on his knee while clapping commenced from the two idiots behind the counter.
Sooyoung was still stupefied. I would be too.
“No,” came the answer.
Silence.
“I told you he should have lost the wig thing. It was stupid. We should have gone with the Pororo costume.”
“No. Deuli is cuter. And we should’ve gotten cake. That’s what they do on tv.”
“We don’t serve cake. And shut up. Pororo is president.”
“Deuli”
“Pororo”
“DEULI”
“PORORO!”
“Shut up! Both of you!” Sooyoung finally snapped. “What in heaven’s name is this? This… wig… ring…”
Dumb and dumber shrank back behind the counter.
“So… you don’t want to marry me?” Kyuhyun stood up. Sooyoung shook her head.
“Why nooooot?” he whined like a special child, stomping his feet.
“Because…” Because what? Because I am busy with my dysfunctional family? Because I haven’t achieved anything yet for myself? Because I’m not ready for such commitment at this point in time?, she thought.
“Because I’m not sure," she said.
“Not sure about what?” Kyuhyun’s shoulders dropped.
“Everything”
“Everything? I love you. You love me. That’s all you need to be sure about. Are you not sure you love me?” Am I?
No answer.
“If you’re not even sure if you love me, there’s no point in me and you. We should break up.” Kyuhyun turned around and started to leave but Sooyoung caught his arm and stopped him.
“Don’t be like this, Kyu.”
“What do you mean don’t be like this?” He pulled his arm back gently.
“Don’t make me choose between marrying you and breaking up with you. You’re being unreasonable.”
“I’m just being realistic. If you are not sure about you and me, there is no point to all this.”
Again, no answer.
Then he left.
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