Acid
The world outside the window pane was bitter, cold and sullen. It showed neither direction nor warmth beyond the metropolis that Sooyoung used to know. On the dilapidated streets were pallid faces asking for either alms or death. They reached out with pruned hands and empty stares. Their eyes mirrored the hopelessness that was surrounding the godforsaken suburbs that the three young runaways were treading.
After walking another hundred miles, Jinri stopped saying that they'd be found and caught. The remains of what used to be a city whispered to them that they were far beyond what the government knew and cared for. After the Great War, anything outside the metropolis was virtually nonexistent to them.
The roads were cracked and the signs were vandalized to oblivion. Most of the roofs were falling and the paint on the walls was half peeled at best. Their guts were turning at the smell of decay embracing them but Changmin assured them with his smile. Everything will be alright.
"We'll find a place to stay, don't worry,” he assured his small company which from then on became what he called his family. And sure enough, three dead cities and a thunderstorm later, they found a community subsisting like a small oasis in a dessert world.
Welcome to Domani Il Sole, home to the poor, downtrodden, outcasts and political fugitives. The lowest of the low, that's who she cradles. Her ramshackle roads are safe haven to those that the New World Order looked at with disdain. Her lawless rule is fortress to those who are oppressed by the law. A depraved beauty― an industrial retrograde in her time floating between lands of endless agricultural fields.
It's as if time had run backwards in this small autonomous district. Domani Il Sole's main source of income was textile making. They trade it for the other things the people need from the other districts. The factory is central to the people's lives as half of them are employed by it. Trade, both small scale and wholesale was done freely everywhere. All the fresh produce and packed goods are imported from other places. The main streets were flea markets that offered everything the people need, from poultry to toiletries. Live stock alongside stale bread and dairy greeted with their unmistakable scent. The voices of the fishmongers assaulted everyone's ears and bounced off the brick walls. Moss grew free on the pavements, nurtured by the wet market's waters that failed to sink in the clogged drainage.
Aside from free trade on her streets, there were a few places that offered skill or entertainment. There was a lone barber shop, a handful of tailors, a pub, two canteens, a woodworks place, an inn, a small clinic, a rundown grade school and some freelance craftsmen and technicians. Every corner was busy and money kept changing hands. There were no beggars or orphans as everyone had something to do. Even the children earn their keep by running errands after studying their arithmetic.
Here, everyone was equal. No matter what they do for a living, it was a place of symbiotic respect and freedom from the sovereign rule. No primaries. No spares. Just people living amongst people. Fair trade and commerce was the law.
This was their new paradise, Sooyoung thought. It was freedom beyond any freedom they had ever known in their small world contained by the high walls of the metropolis. They ran towards freedom and it embraced them back with her open arms. Here they would start anew.
Changmin was taken as an apprentice by the resident carpenter. He was strong and healthy, very fit for work. His pay was meager but it was enough to bring food to the table. A fast learner he was, he soon formed a great liking for building things. He found looking at the fruits of his labor very rewarding. Jinri on the other hand easily found employ at the factory. Her hands had dexterity and her eyes had determination to cope with their new life. She enjoyed working and getting to know new people for this was truly the first time she ever had the chance to be on her own. To be her life’s own master, it was a dream she slowly realized.
Sooyoung stayed in their small room provided by the factory as incentive to its workers. At night, she would teach Jinri how to read and write. She kept the small space they had clean and made it a home. She whiled her time by reading secondhand books that Changmin bought her. She would read to him before he goes to sleep. She would also cook porridge for the three of them but that was if she was feeling well enough. Most of the time, she wasn’t. Changmin would take her to the town clinic and Dr. Kim would give her some aspirin but he knew that it will never do Sooyoung any good. She needed treatment and transplants, that Changmin knew. But he didn’t push the subject since Sooyoung would be so quick to brush it off. No more treatments, please.
Years went by and the family moved to the small house that Changmin built by himself for the three of them. Land was not a commodity anymore since there was abundant of it. All Changmin needed to do was to procure the materials and do the labor. The end product was simple yet charming. It was a small bungalow by the sea side that had three rooms-- one for Jinri, one for Changmin and Sooyoung, and another for the baby that they have been anticipating for three years now but to no avail. Sooyoung would blame herself and her chronically failing health for this. Maybe the treatment has killed too much cells in her body. Maybe the radiation that they used to stop the disease has also stunted her ability to procreate. She would spend days holed up, alone and crying but Changmin would always be there to comfort her. Everything will be alright. Just have faith. Some nights she would fall asleep in the nursery room beside the yet empty crib that Changmin had built lovingly with his own hands.
Jinri stopped working in the factory since she has mastered reading and writing. She worked as Dr. Kim Heechul's assistant and secretary, earning her a better compensation and her family free checkups from the town's only doctor.
Soon enough, Dr. Kim would prescribe the good old treatment and marrow transplant that Sooyoung has long bid goodbye to. She didn’t want them anymore. But as usual, Changmin would talk her into it. It’s for your health. It's for the baby. Our baby.
Again and again, they would try but they were lucky if the baby made it past the first trimester. It was after her third miscarriage that Dr. Kim advised them to give it a rest. It was not their time. More than ever, Sooyoung was crushed. She stopped attending her treatment sessions and refused the marrow transplants that Changmin has been more than willing to give. It seemed rather pointless if it didn’t help them in bearing a child. It only took toll on Changmin’s vitality.
“I’m not getting treatment anymore,” she said defiantly. Like always, he was pleading with his soft brown eyes for her to go through the excruciatingly painful procedure again. She suffered greatly, he knew. He too suffered from it. But that much he can take for her. “Look at you. You keep donating for a lost cause.”
“You are not a lost cause.” There was hurt in his voice. Thinking of Sooyoung as a lost cause will always be acid to his ears. She was his life. There is nothing in this world that he wouldn’t give for her happiness and her wellbeing. He was not doing this as a spare, he always told her but it seems to her that it was an old habit he has to kick.
“This is exactly why we ran away in the first place. Don’t you remember?” Her eyes were gentle yet accusing. She did not want to be the object of useless sacrifice. Not back then. Not now, still.
“You are not my spare anymore. No one is. Jinri is a free woman now. Why can’t you be? Look at yourself. Your own health is failing. Why can’t you just stop thinking that I am your responsibility? Why does my withering life always have to come before yours?” Acid. Acid to his ears.
“Because I love you.” And just like that, acid abates.
No comments:
Post a Comment