Someone Like You

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it

I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded

That for me, it isn't over

March 2008

“Goodbye.” I said to him. Confidently. Surely. Unshaken.

I will leave him. This is for my dreams. This means the whole world to me. And if he truly cares for me he would understand that. If he truly loves me, he will wait for my return. I regret nothing.

I will regret nothing.

April 2011

I rejected his call for the last time. It’s been months since I’ve received an email or a call.

I have not read or answered any of them. I can’t.  

Next month. Yes. Next month. Wait for me. Hold on a little longer.

You'd know how the time flies.
Only yesterday, was the time of our lives.
We were born and raised in a summery haze.
Bound by the surprise of our glory days.

May 2011

Three years have passed. And I, Choi Sooyoung, am now ready to face Cho Kyuhyun again.

Never mind jetlag. My heart is racing and my guts are churning faster than windmills on a windy day. I am feeling all sorts of emotions all at once.

Happiness for I have successfully reached for my dreams. I am now an actress in Broadway. A blossoming career, enough money to do whatever I please and adoring fans; I have everything that I have ever wanted. I am so excited to tell him all the things that happened while we were apart.

Longing. For all those years that have gone by without him by my side.  I want to tell him how much I have missed him and that I still love him. My feelings have never changed. A few times have I wavered but I remain steadfast to our promise to only love each other no matter what.

Guilt. For leaving him despite his pleas and efforts to make me stay back then. For ignoring his phone calls and emails because I know I’ll be more homesick if I hear from him. For not even writing a single letter to tell me how have I been. For leaving a question hanging for three years.

But all that is in the past right now. I am now ready to see him and give him my answer. Three years is a long time, but I am hoping that the door is still open for me. For us.

I heard that you're settled down

That you found a girl and you're married now

I heard that your dreams came true

Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you

Old friend, why are you so shy?

Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light

“Soo... Kyuhyun... he’s...” Jessica stuttered. “I think it would be best if you don’t try to meet him for a while... I ... I mean... this is not the best time to show up. Although I’m really glad that you’re here and all.” She hugged me. Hyoyeon remains quiet across the table. Her hands clasped tight while Hyukjae pats her back.

“Why?  Is something wrong? Did anything happen while I was away? I’m really excited to see you again guys. I missed everyone. Why are you all acting so strange?” I chuckled nervously.

“A lot of things have happened in the past three years Soo. You see? Hyukie and I here are married now. We are helping umma in the shop while expecting this baby...” Hyo unnie said while stroking her bulging belly. She is about 4 months on the way.

“Sica over here is now a pre-school teacher.” she continued. “Fany will be leaving town soon to pursue her masterals in Massachusetts. And Junsu oppa will be marrying Taeyeon as soon as he gets off military service.  Many things have changed.”

“I’m... I’m really glad for everyone but... What has all these got to do with me and Kyu?”

“Sooyoungie...” Jessica had tears in her eyes. “Kyuhyun just got married to Seohyun last month. I’m very sorry. He... he waited for you but... three years was a long time. Kyu was depressed and withdrawn. Seohyun was always there for him, helping him make it through without you. He thought you’d never come back... and so did we.”

“Soo, we are really sorry but Seo and Kyu are living a happy life right now. I hope you’d understand that. Someday, you’d meet the right person for you.” Hyo unnie held my hand. Right person? Kyuhyun was the only person for me. I felt hot tears streaming from my eyes.

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it

I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded

That for me, it isn't over

“Good to see you again.” He smiled at me but something is telling me that he wasn’t happy to see me.

“I’m sorry for leaving.” I tried my best to hold back the tears but my eyes are already hot and cloudy. I looked away.

“It’s fine now. Don’t be. I’m...” he sighed under his breath. “To be honest I was crushed. I did a lot of stupid things. I thought I wouldn’t be able to live without you. I mean...we were together since high school. It was hard to imagine a life without you.”

Silence.

“But I’m ok now... More than ok. I’m happy you pursued your dreams. I’m happy for you. You deserve it. I... I commend you for being so courageous and ... leaving this small town to follow your heart and do what you really wanted to do... Everything was for the best.” He still had a bitter look in his eyes.

Nothing compares no worries or cares

Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made

Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

“Cho Kyuhyun, I still love you. All those years, every single day of those three years... I thought about you. I missed you  but I didn’t want to contact you because I know I’d come flying straight back to Korea once I heard you voice over the phone...And  that day that day you asked my hand in marriage, it keeps replaying in my mind. How much I wanted to say yes... but I couldn’t back then... I had to follow my dreams.  And now I came back... to make up for it all.” These words sprang from my mouth. Without even thinking. Only stopping to catch my breath and wipe my tears.

“Sooyoung it’s too late.” His voice was shaking. His eyes wouldn’t meet mine but I know there are also tears welling.

“I tried to call you, email you. I tried every way possible to get through you but you never responded. For three years Soo. Three years. I couldn’t just wait for you forever when I don’t even know if you were to return. There was no news from you. You ignored my calls, my messages, everything. I thought you wanted to keep it that way... As much as I loved you, I... I couldn’t hold on to nothing. Soo... I even tried to call you on my wedding day...

...I was ready to throw it all away...  if you just answered my call. ...

...But you didn’t. You never did. Now there’s nothing more we can do but accept it as it is.”

Pain. Anger. A love lost. I saw it all in his eyes.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you, too

Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

I walked out the café. Battle lost before I even fought.

My own two feet wouldn’t dare move but I kept dragging them on towards the door. To leave.

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

“Sooyoung!” I heard him call me but I didn’t slow down a second.

Everything was blurry. Haze in my eyes brought by the tears continuously rolling down my cheeks.

I couldn’t see anything.  

“Excuse me miss. Are you alright?” A soft thud. I bumped into a stranger. I felt hot coffee against my skin. I couldn’t see his face as my eyes were still fixed on the floor, flooded with my regrets and his coffee.

I could see his big brown loafers and as my tears fell on them.

I looked up and met the stranger’s eyes.

“You’re crying... I... Oh my god, I’m sorry. Should I get you to the cleaners or something? Here.” The tall stranger handed me his  handkerchief.

“My name is Shim Changmin. I’m sorry about your dress. I... I’ll buy you a new one and we’ll drop this off at a laundromat. Oh my god, I’m so stupid.” He stammered. I looked at him and he flushed red in his face.

“Sooyoung.”

“What?”

“My name is Choi Sooyoung.”

He smiled.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you, too

Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead