"This is totally flippin' unfair! How could he… What the… How could he possibly do this to me?" Sooyoung's voice echoed all over the Beijing Fried Rice (which from here on shall be referred to as the BFR). It tore the eardrums of half of Seoul's population. The owner woke up to the noise as Amber was trying to cover Sooyoung's loud mouth.
"Calm your tits hyung! Oh wait you don't have tits. You're flat as a surfboard… teehee." Amber's snicker was cut short by a whack on the head from the taller girl.
"What's the commotion all about?” The half awake HanGeng asked as he got a fresh cup of coffee. Thursday afternoons were not exactly the best times for the BFR’s business. He would sometimes even let Amber fool around with the mochi faced boy from the noodle house across the street. But this Thursday afternoon was especially a bummer.
"Kyuhyun is getting married, Laoban." Amber continued to yap. Sooyoung furiously chopped onions even if they were not cooking anything with onions. Actually, they were not cooking anything at all. The BFR was empty, save for the little thugs who called themselves B.A.P., which stood for Bunnies And Puppies, Bananas Ate Pajamas, Blondes Are Pretty, something like that. I don't know. But they always hung out there and claimed it their territory. I guess they're some sort of fraternity. They had a rival group that hung out in the noodle house who called themselves EXO. I'm not going to pretend to know what that stands for, but my guess is EXtremely Offensive. The Bacon dude had some seriously offensive body odor. But I won't go into details, I'm trailing off here. I’ll talk about them, maybe some other time.
"I know. Didn’t he propose to you a month ago? He said that the wedding will be in Canada… wait. No, that was Amber who wants to get married in Canada. Philippines. Yes. Right. The wedding is in the Philippines." The tall Chinese dude said in his formal Korean with thick Chinese accent. But if you ask me, it’s more like he’s just perpetually drunk. I don’t catch a word this guy says.
“Hyungie rejected him and now he is marrying someone else. He sent us an invite. Lookie.” Ever the enthusiast, Amber gave the invitation card that was in a pink scented envelope. Tacky choice in my opinion. Sooyoung on the other hand just stabbed the innocent onions with no mercy.
“How can he do this to me? We didn’t even break up properly. I thought it was a cool off.” She now sobbed over the wake of the murdered spices on the counter top. HanGeng had to avert his eyes as Sooyoung didn’t exactly look wonderful with disheveled hair and runny nose.
“And what kind of name is Kim Chu? What self respecting Korean woman would name her daughter Chu? The name sounds like a Pokémon.” More wailing. More sobbing. It gets kinda boring to describe these things, you know? Watching Changmin do farm work is far more entertaining than the Choi Sooyoung Soap Opera. More on that, later.
“I heard she’s not Korean. According to Kyu-hyung, she’s a famous actress in the Philippines.”
“I guess she’s very pretty and rich then. She must be very sexy with huge fake tits. He must be head over heels in love for him to marry her even if we just not-officially-broke-up a month ago. Maybe he has forgotten all about me… And you are talking to that flippin’ son-of-a-bull without telling me? I sometimes wonder whose side you’re on. You’re supposed to be my best friend.” And then dagger eyes flew over to Amber’s general direction. After that, Sooyoung just stuffed her face with left over mandu and sulked on the corner reeking of onion stench, harassing everyone’s sinuses.
“Why don’t you go stop the wedding?” This idea we all have HanGeng to blame for. But let it stew. Let us not kill the Chinaman yet. Let the story finish guys.
“Stop the wedding? You mean… go there and stop the wedding?” Sooyoung’s eyes grew wide and so did Amber’s.
“Yes. The invitation says that the wedding is on Saturday. You still have time,” the boss said mater-of-factly.
“Makes sense to me. I heard there’s no divorce in the Philippines. Also, they have aborted duck fetus sold on the streets. You should get me some of those when you go.”
“How do you know so much about the Philippines? You’ve never been there.” Sooyoung eyed her blonde friend.
“Internet? Teehee. Minho has been talking about the Philippines so much lately. He says he’s planning to go there sometime. Oh, I forgot. Minho was here this morning before you came in. He wanted you to have this letter. He sealed it with lots of scotch tape so as to keep me from opening it without you knowing. Dang, that guy is good.” Amber snapped her fingers and gave the suspicious little letter to Sooyoung. And for all of you who are oh so curious about the letter here is what it said.
“Quick! Now. Son, go here. Yeonhee and you. Practice, ok?”
“Yes mom, I’m coming. I just have to make this phone call.” Changmin waved at his mother as he stepped out of the hall. This mock ceremony was getting on his nerves. He couldn’t recite his vows properly because Yeonhee’s beautiful face was distracting him. Her soft girly voice was distracting him. The one centimeter cleavage peaking from her modest neckline was distracting him. Everything was so damn distracting.
Only two nights before the big day and all preparation was set (by no other than Madame Shim herself) to the microscopic details. Changmin still can’t breathe or look straight at his bride’s eye. He can’t even stitch a coherent sentence in her presence. He was hopeless.
Remember when I told you that there were seven guys I know whose greatest dream in life was to marry Lee Yeonhee? Changmin was number one on that list.
You see, Changmin had lived in Korea for ten years until his mom decided that it’s goodbye Seoul, hello Manila. Because they didn’t know how to speak the native language, he and his brother Hyeseong were put in an international school where there were only four other Korean kids. From these four Korean kids, two were girls. One of them, the attractive one, was Yeonhee. Ever since he laid eyes on her on the school field at flag ceremony, he decided that this was the girl of his dreams. And damn right, she remained just that for fourteen years―a dream girl. He never made a move on her, or any girl for that matter.
When he was sophomore in high school, rumors spread around that he was gay. Why? Because he turned down this hot senior chick named Sollen, who confessed to him on foundation day. She was a total bombshell. She’s a commercial model now. All the jocks were baffled as to why she wouldn’t date any of them but go for the ‘weird Korean nerd ChingChongMin’.
But Changmin only had mismatched doe eyes for Yeonhee. He made poems for her, lots and lots of them. He had a whole notebook of rhyming verses he made for her; the contents of which I refuse to disclose because it might induce barfing due to excessive cheesiness. He made sketches of her too. Actually, more like portraits since they were so well done. They were beautiful. But yeah, Yeonhee was beautiful so it just makes sense that her portraits were beautiful too. The point here is, Changmin was nuts about her and she never knew. Up to the point that they were being set up for marriage, she never knew. Because Changmin never told her, that pussygoddamnsonofabitch!
Ok, I think I should calm down.
“Hello. Of course it’s me again. Would you rather Hyeseong is calling you? Ouch… I’m sorry. I’m sorry, ok? Now come on and be an angel. Please help me…. The guy is in a coma. I can’t do this alone. You’re the only one I can count on…. Them? No. Not a good idea. Not good. I’ll do anything… No. Don’t do this to me. What’s the point in me asking this favor if I’m gonna say that?... Hello?Hello? Darn it.” Changmin’s face was so tense you could drench a forest fire with his sweat. He was about to kick a potted plant but then he realized that it was mean so he bowed and apologized to the plant.
“Is that her?” His only brother appeared behind him while he paid respect to the aloe vera, startling him like an insomniac on caffeine overdose.
“Jesus Christ! You scared me. And who are you talking about? I was just… I was just inviting friends over,” Changmin said as he washed his white handkerchief in his own sweat.
“Yeah right. Inviting friends. I know she still doesn’t want to talk to me but you don’t really have to hide that you are in touch. It’s not like I would go to whichever boondocks she’s been holing herself up in.” Hyeseong is Changmin’s opposite. Although they share the same tall-dark-handsome-and-smart genes, Hyeseong is the type to always speak his mind without caring how other people would feel. I’m not saying that he is a total douche, but Changmin had always been the kinder, nicer, more polite, well behaved and obedient son. Hyeseong was not. He was the one who would usually make Madame Shim cry. He opted for film making instead of med school. Madame Shim wanted to have a lawyer and a doctor for sons. Sadly, it’s never gonna happen with Hyeseong all set out to follow his heart.
“Follow your heart. That’s what they say.” HanGeng looked through his glass window as Sooyoung walked away with her paycheck and bonus from the nicest boss in Seoul.
“You let her go to the Philippines and stop his wedding. Financed her tickets even, so that she may follow what her heart says, Laoban?” Amber’s eyes also followed her friend’s shadow. “How about your heart? What does it say? You had your chance while she was heartbroken and you just send her off like that.”
HanGeng paused for a while.
“It says that Sooyoung deserves to be happy. It also says that those BAP thugs are doodling on my walls. Aiya! Ni men! Zou kai! Go away you mask wearing little freaks! ”
“Laoban, calm down! They finally ordered something this time!”
“Calm down girls. Calm down.” Kyuhyun said while posing and smiling to the camera. He was surrounded by a little horde of high school girls who were worshiping him like he was some Aztec god.
“OPPAAAAARRR!!!! OPPAAARRR!!!!111”
“Yes, I know. I’m handsome. You’ll all have a turn to take a picture with me. Don’t hurt yourselves.” The prick said with a smug smile on his face.
“OPPA YOU LOOK LIKE A MEMBER OF SUPER JUNIOR! DO YOU KNOW THEM? SHYUPO JUNI-O!!!! OPPAAARRR!! BLARGGGGG!!!!! DKHFSKJHFDSJBCMNZCBJHADKSAKHD!!!!!11”
“So I’ve been told. I think I’m manlier though.” Smile. Pose. Flash. Flex. Flash. Damnit.
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