Patron Saint

Title:  Patron Saint

Characters:  Siwon, Heechul, Stella

Rating:  PG-13

Length: one-shot

She's the kind of girl

Who'll smash herself down

In the night

She's the kind of girl

Who'll fracture her mind

Till it's light

I've never liked Stella. From the moment Siwon introduced her to the gang, in her drunk-as-a-skunk-prostitute-in-a-leather-skirt glory, I knew that she was nothing but bad news. She tried to molest Ryeowook, Sungmin, and the sofa that day. And then she puked on me. I hate her. Slut. Slut. Whore. Slut. Slore.

It still boggles my mind as to why Siwon still insists on that "Love changes people" crap after a year of nothing but pure torture from that woman. She is a total pain. A total pain, I tell you. She has the nerve to accuse him of cheating when she is the one who has the word trollop stamped across her forehead in bold letters. Siwon is practically a saint for Nicholas Cage's sake! Maria Ozawa could do somersaults in front of him and he wouldn’t even care. He is more faithful than a Yorkshire terrier. She is a lunatic to think otherwise. Come to think of it, she has had at least three breakdowns in the past two months. The only thing that's keeping her out from the loony bin must be her ability to bullshit like a pro.

She'll break her own heart

And you know

That she'll break your heart too

So darling, let go of her hand

Yesterday, Siwon told me that he wants to marry Stella. He said that this was true love. I am convinced. This is a cry out for help. They need to break up. Fast.

I don’t care if he is telling me that he sees her as the mom of his future kids. I hear vases breaking, volcanoes exploding, guns and bombs going off at the thought of Stella and Siwon exchanging vows. They shouldn’t have exchanged numbers in the first place anyway. As his best friend, I,  Kim Heechul, can not let him do this to himself. This calls for Heenimtervention. And yes, I just coined that myself. I'm so awesome.

She's been skipping days

Spilling her drinks in the sink

And you know

She never coming home

Never coming home

A-Again

As faith would have it, I didn’t have to call Siwon. He called me. Apparently, the harlot of Babylon is missing. She hasn’t been attending classes for a week now. And if my guess is right, she is just in the nearest club drinking herself blind or giving some guy a lapdance or both. But of course Siwon wouldn’t guess such things.

"There must be something wrong," he tells me. I roll my eyes.

Yes there is something wrong here. She is.

She is wrong for Siwon. Their relationship is wrong. The way Siwon views her is wrong. Man, her existence in my side of the universe is entirely wrong. If she actually is missing and never to be found again, I would throw a party for the boys. They all hate her too. Kyuhyun calls her Three Ws. Siwon thinks that it means Willowy Wonderful Woman but when he is not around, we forgo the acronym and say Wicked Witch of the West.

But when, when, when

She open her eyes, eyes, eyes

Beyond the

Chipping paint through the windowpane

Lies, lies, lies

We find her at Sooyoung's place. She has been camping in there for four days. I could imagine how much of a burden she is to Soo. I pity the girl. Pity her.

Sooyoung says that Stella hasn’t been eating right. As expected, she was either drunk or crying in her sleep for the whole time she was there. She wouldn’t tell anything to Sooyoung so the poor host had to call the only person who cares if ever Stella drowns in her own vomit; Siwon.

Her patron saint

Broken and lame

And absolutely insane

For learning

That true love

Exists

Siwon offers to drive her home but of course she refuses. I hear incoherent rants about how she hates home, her self, her parents and the world in general. She starts crying, loudly sobbing. Sooyoung goes to the kitchen to make tea for us. Siwon gives Stella a hug. She pushes him away and staggers to find the bottle of vodka that Sooyoung has put away. I puke in my mouth a little.

I can't stand this anymore. This is bullshit. I pull Siwon outside for a moment. He has to realize that this woman will drag him down in her misery. It is my job as his friend to prevent that. He might hate it but he has to admit that I am right.

I'm not really into his religion thing but I'm sure that if Jesus were alive, he would do the same thing. You don’t let your bro get tied down to some nasty hoe just because he wants to. That doesn’t seem like a very Christian thing to do, and I'm not even Christian.

So darling, let go of her hand

Let go of her hand

Let go of her hand

Let go of her hand

Let go of her hand

Let go of her hand

Let go of her hand

"Dude, what the hell are you doing?" I ask him. I really want to know. All this unconditional love thing has got me clueless. She has cheated on him in the past, thrice. Why the hell would anyone put up with all this bullshit? Why the hell is he still trying to help her when she doesn’t even want to help herself?

"I love her."

"I don't understand. You think that justifies how she treats you like used asswipe? You think that's sufficient reason to be a nanny to this… this woman for eternity, when you clearly know that she is nothing but trouble?" I shake his shoulders. I look into his eyes, hoping to see the answer there.

"Yes." I will never understand love's logic. If love meant throwing away one's life down the sink to be with some inconsiderate bitch, I don’t want to be in love ever. Ever.

"Dude, come on. You're better than this. Do you know what the gang thinks about her? She is a total bitch. A slut. A random loose woman they wouldn’t even want for a one night stand! Why? Because she is a wreck. She is a damned mess! And here you are, considering to marry her?" I am already screaming. I do shout a lot but not to Siwon. Only this once. Only this once.

"If I don't understand her… If I don't try to lead her to the right path, who will? Heechul, she has no one but me. If I leave her in this state, what would become of her?" He looks at me as if he was looking down into my soul for some sympathy. There is none.

"You are doing this because of pity?" It wasn’t really a question but a confirmation.

"Pity is also a form of love, the saddest kind. But still… it's love."

I don’t know if it was the helplessness of the situation or just a final attempt to respect a friend's decision. I walk away, leaving Sooyoung's apartment. Maybe someday he will realize that I was right. Maybe he'll one day wake up and see what a fool he is being. But for today he shall be responsible of his own choice. Rest assured, he wouldn’t be able to blame me. I tried.

You'll be to blame

For playing this game

And learning

That true love

Exists