The Empress
Every body is a book of blood;
Wherever we're opened, we're red.
- Clive Barker
"…who allegedly overdosed in Valium last September 21. He was found three days later in his apartment by his maids when they noticed that he has not touched the food they've been preparing and hasn't come out for five days. According to reports, the young novelist was left at the altar three months prior to his death. He has since spent his days alone in his room, writing his last book that was just released last September 18, titled Death, Love and Other Tragedies. The police---"
The television screen went black.
"I swear Choi Sooyoung, if you do that stunt on me, I will kill you... Again." Yuri stood in front of the dumb box, her hands propped on her non-evident hips while looking sternly at her roommate who was cuddling their pet shihtzu on the couch. It had been a week since she hauled Sooyoung home from the hospital and she was not entirely fond of the idea of doing her best friend's funeral makeup.
"I won't kill myself, ok? I'm a goddess, for Pete's sake! Why should I commit suicide for a lowly human… who isn't that rich or my type. I should be glad that I won't end up with a poor faceless bastard ok?" Baeka, their white dog was constantly lapping up her cheek as if to say, it's ok. She was the unwilling ears that Sooyoung and Yuri's rants have been falling into for the past week, a mute emotional trash bin.
As you could probably deduce, Sooyoung had been dumped. Dumped big time. I could even say that this was the biggest failure in her love life in her twenty two years of existence. What more was that she now officially lost her scholarship. She was completely broken, crushed, annihilated and shattered. This was the ultimate low.
As much as I would like to skip the part where Choi Siwon broke her heart, this really calls for it. I would like to tell you in detail how it all happened. The story of how the saint of Seoul, Choi Siwon made the grave mistake of breaking Choi Sooyoung's heart.
Now, before I go ahead with my story, I would like to give you a little background on both the involved parties so as to give you an idea or a better feel for it.
Siwon had been friends with Sooyoung for a few years before all these happened. He knew everything about her. Her past, her ever souring present, her losing her scholarship, everything. They talked over the phone constantly and he was someone he trusted. A good pal.
Choi Siwon is the same age as Sooyoung. He was out of school and out of work. Yes, he was a bum. But he was well respected in their group of friends, the photogeeks, because he was a 'nice' guy. Siwon was a Christian, and as far as I know, that had always been his defining characteristic. Everyone thought that he was a saint and for the most part, he was. He never missed church service and always said things that were inspiring… in the Christian way. He had never had a girlfriend and according to him he was waiting for the Lord's time for him. Lord's time, my penis. Excuse my French.
Sooyoung on the other hand was the representation of evil to the photogeeks. Youngbae was afraid of her and that was not just because she was a girl. He was afraid that she might go violent on him even if there was never a proven case of Choi Sooyoung Rampage. Although she is a frustrated actress now, she did karate, aikido and taekwondo when she was in high school and had a rather strong personality. Because of that, she was casted as 'most likely to kill you with a psychotic smile' by her friends. She swore like a pirate, even worse than all of them combined. They all loved her for that though. Being her friend was entertaining and rewarding in many different ways. She was quirky and crazy like your regular manic pixie dream girl.
She has had two unofficial relationships (the last one was Lee Jinki, another friend. Two years after their split, they became very good friends and confidantes), both of which ended with the guy cheating her one way or another. She was quite unlucky in the love department but it was a good season before Siwon came raining on her parade. She had several suitors at that time, all of which were financially stable and viable. But she was taking her time to collect and select, if you must phrase it that way.
So you see, the Sooyoung-Siwon tandem was like the pope marrying the wicked witch of the west kind of scenario. It was unexpected and bizarre to both parties and to those few people who found out after the grand fallout.
I have already told you about how it all began, with a very bored Sooyoung in a milk tea shop. Actually, it escalated real quickly after that. They kept hanging out alone, avoiding the other photogeeks to have time with each other. They watched movies, dated by the sea, talked over the phone till dawn, held hands, hugged, nuzzled and became all cuddly-wuddly to each other. Very clashing with their previous platonic friendship even if nobody told no one what they meant to each other. I don't want to go into details because the plain telling of this gives me hives. It was quite a relief that it didn’t last that long.
The gut-wrenching part comes just two weeks after the kindling point.
Yuri left to take pictures for the school paper. She was also scheduled for a check up with her gynecologist. No. She's not pregnant. She had a few lumps in her box and she was going to have it checked. She told Sooyoung to stay at home because it was raining and she had no class that day. Her professor was down with the flu like half of the population, thanks to the rain. Just stay at home, she said. Sooyoung should have believed her. She always had a knack for feeling things anyway. Sooyoung has proved that many times before. It was what helped her in the field of journalism, her gut feel. If Kwon Yuri tells you to stay home, you should stay home.
Sooyoung was set to meet Kyuhyun that day. They haven't seen each other for months. Ok, I don't know if I should be talking about Kyuhyun but for the sake of you grasping the full gravity of this day, I would.
To put it simply, Kyuhyun was Sooyoung's special friend. And I don't mean special in the autistic kind of way, but really special. Kyuhyun is, as how Sooyoung would say it, the personification of her dream man. I would honestly say that she loved the guy. If she ever loved a person so much that she would do anything for that person's happiness even if that would mean giving him up, it was him. But sadly, the chap put her in a special place that people these days call the friendzone. I know you are all familiar with that situation. For almost two years, Sooyoung had been trying to get over Kyuhyun while maintaining her stance as his best female friend. Yuri was the only person who knows that Sooyoung never got over Kyuhyun, until Siwon came of course. It was a crazy ride after that.
To have it clear, Sooyoung was about to meet her very special friend that she hasn’t seen for months and then all of a sudden Siwon messages her to meet him in the afternoon. Sooyoung was torn, of course. Even if she liked Siwon, Kyuhyun still held a special place in her heart. In any other day, Sooyoung would pick Kyuhyun without thinking. No contest. Not because she used to like-love him, but because he was the nicest person she had ever met aside from Siwon. He was the kind of friend who would walk you home even if it's already late and his house was two rides away. He supported her through ups and downs. He would watch Sooyoung's plays even if she only had a small role. He would adopt her every time she needed roof above her head, give up his room and sleep on the couch. He was practically family. But then again, hormones had to win. She messaged him that she won't be able to make it. She chose to be with Siwon.
They agreed to meet at a mall. Siwon saw the beautiful Sooyoung in her trademark shirt and shorts with a pair of comfortable boots. She chose the attire so as not to look weird beside him like the last time she wore a dress but Siwon still felt underdressed beside her [and here I go quoting Kwon Yuri: Girl, he was not underdressed. You are just too fabulous for him. As simple as that.] Sooyoung was still a little bothered by her ditching Cho Kyuhyun for yet another date with Siwon. It wasn’t the first time she bailed out from a date to rush for Siwon. She was in a date with Ahn Chilhyun, a half-Chinese businessman who was considerably older than her when she decided to cut it short to run for her movie date with Siwon. That was the last the poor old guy heard from her. But this was a different case. She felt a little guilty for choosing a date over a very much awaited quality time with a friend.
The actual date was rather short and full of weird tension. Sooyoung could not place it at that moment but something felt wrong. She thought it was just her conscience biting her but it proved to be something else; Siwon wanted to talk about something. Sooyoung was eager to listen but the words wouldn’t come out.
Is he going to make this official now? She thought. What should I tell him? Should I say that I do like him too? She thought. What the hell is taking him so long to say it? She thought.
“I think we both know what is happening between the two of us,” he said.
“I think we should stop,” he said.
These were the only words that mattered. What followed were contrived explanations that Sooyoung could not start to comprehend. This was not what she expected.
I don’t want to us to expect for nothing.
Our friends are starting to notice.
I don’t want things to be complicated and others might get hurt.
It’s not the time for me…
Maybe if we were old enough… but we are not.
I’m sorry. I know that it’s my entire fault. I started this.
You can be mad at me. Say anything mean, yell at me.
I’m really sorry. I don’t know why I started it. I know that it’s wrong…
Words, words, words. Sooyoung’s heart didn’t understand any of it― figuratively and quite literally. Just a moment ago, he was holding her hand and securing his arm around her waist. Now he was saying that they should call it quits. Her heartbeat started to race and her breath hitched like wheezing old car. Her hands grew cold and she started to feel numb. She was hyperventilating.
Siwon noticed and began to panic. He brought her out of the mall to breathe some fresh air and sat beside her at the mall’s entrance stairs.
“Sooyoung, don’t be like this. Breathe. As is, I’m already feeling so guilty. You don’t need to talk if you don’t want to. Don’t be angry if you don’t feel like it. But please breathe.” He pleaded as she struggled to stay in the wretched moment. She’s not quite sure if she’d rather stay awake and bask in this pain or just drop dead and let him feel the guilt she felt he deserved. She is an actress after all. A little tear drop would give him nightmares for months, she was sure.
“Can’t you see? I’m hyperventilating because I want to be mad at you but I can’t bring myself to be. I don’t know what to do. Don’t know what to say,” you dumbass, she forgot to add.
Sooyoung wasn’t sure if it was a conscious decision or she just succumbed to her body’s limit. She closed her eyes and slumped her body on the stairs. She couldn’t move or see anything. Her breathing was heavy and she could hear Siwon calling out to her but she couldn’t even move her lips to respond.
So this is how I die? Heartbreak? Seriously? Fuck this moron with Satan’s rake. If I die like this, I will fucking haunt him to the ends of the earth until he hangs himself with a cable rope. If there is really a hell, he should burn there. And if there is none, I will fucking start a funeral pyre for him to dance into.
Where the hell is my say on all this? Don’t I have a right to decide on anything? You just dragged me into this and now you spit me out. Fuck you very much. I shouldn’t have trusted you and your god-talk. I hate you and your god. If I could just speak right now, I would say that your god is a lie. He is not real. And if he is real, then he hates you. Because you are an insensitive, misleading, manipulative and retarded dick. No. Actually, you are a big vagina. Go to hell.
Rushing, gushing and madly scurrying, that was how Yuri was. She was in the middle of her session with her gynecologist when she received a message saying that Sooyoung was at the hospital unconscious and she was the one the poor girl was calling out for in her stupor.
Without second thought, she made a run for it. She excused herself from her doctor and bashfully slipped on her underpants. It was a rainy night and she was still an hour away from Sooyoung. Yuri wasn’t very keen with public transport so she took a cab and told the driver to step on it. She was worried mad. She wasn’t informed of what exactly happened so her imagination was going wild.
She found the just risen Sooyoung with a white blanket on her lap, sitting beside Siwon. They didn’t look so good. They looked to her like a young couple who just found out that the girl was pregnant. She felt like the unfortunate mother who is burdened because the guy didn’t have money to pay the hospital bill.
“I need my smokes” were the first words Sooyoung whispered to Yuri while she hugged her in the cold hospital room. “I don’t have smokes here. Let’s buy later, ok?” Yuri whispered back while fighting her own tears, looking at her friend’s pitiful state. I told you not to go out today.
Siwon tried to explain the situation to Yuri out of Sooyoung’s earshot while the dearest best friend was paying for Sooyoung’s hospitalization. She didn’t get to see Sooyoung crying in front of Siwon whilst wearing an oxygen mask, unable to move or speak.
She sent Siwon away and warned him to stay away from Sooyoung for the mean time. Being a journalist, Yuri is predisposed to be fair at all times, even with her friends’ feelings on the line. But as much as she wanted to be fair with Siwon, all respect for him disintegrated into nothing when he told her that he didn’t have feelings for Sooyoung and he didn’t know why he did those things to her. She didn’t understand his logic either.
“This is officially the biggest breakdown of the year. Nobody would ever top that. Even my breakup with Minho wasn’t that bad. Choi Sooyoung, I just have to give it to you. Slow clap. Sloooow clap.” It has always been a tradition between these two to make tragic fails like this a good source of laugh, even while the wounds are fresh. Friendship.
“Would you believe that while I was catatonic he kept saying that ‘God will provide’? What the actual fuck, right?”
“So apparently, I’m God.” Yuri rolled her eyes and hugged her best friend. “Choi Sooyoung, don’t ever date a poor man again. Ever. It’s good that I have money today. I was wearing my press I.D. just in case the bill was beyond my budget. I would have persuaded them for a discount with my P.R. skills.”
That night, they smoked like there was no tomorrow. Sooyoung burned up the remnants of her feelings for Siwon with her pack of black Marlboros. With the ashes falling carelessly on the rained on pavements, hatred was left and a lust for revenge.
“I was supposed to meet Kyuhyun today.” Sooyoung muttered bitterly.
“THE Cho Kyuhyun? You dashed a day with The Cho Kyuhyun for him? That’s… something. And this is what he does? I don’t get it. I don’t understand what the hell happened to him and he did that.”
“There’s no more good guys in the world. If Choi Siwon could pull a stunt like that, I don’t trust anyone anymore.”
“Soo, you should have known that all along. Do the Kwon Yuri state of mind. I come first. Don’t invest too much feelings on men.”
“Never again. I’m doing The Beach on him. Or should I just destroy his social life?” Sooyoung puffed her last stick.
“I’m with you on beaching. We could totally pull a missing-Choi Sooyoung stunt. He should feel guilty for what he did. You should have cried and acted more in front of him so that he won’t be able to sleep.”
“Then The Beach it is. No one crosses Choi Sooyoung like that. No one. I am a goddess.”
“Welcome back Sooyoung” Yuri winked and they both smiled.
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